Author Topic: Joke Thread  (Read 76284 times)

Offline Lord-Penter

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #510 on: November 22, 2011, 09:34:50 PM »
A guy is sitting in his car in bumper to bumper traffic on D.C. turn pike. Suddenly a crowd of people walk up to the car & knock on the
window. "Terrorists have captured all the congress & senate & are threatening to burn them all? if we don't come up with 500 billion dollars"
the guy in the car asks "how much are people donating?" most people are giving at least 1-2 gals of gas?
"Your arrogance blinds you."
"The ability to speak does not
        make you intelligent."

Offline scalperhunter1

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #511 on: October 26, 2012, 09:00:50 PM »
CINDERELLA was now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.


One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.




Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?

The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.'

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, 'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'..

The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?'

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, 'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young Body returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.



And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: 'You have one more wish; what shall it be?


Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, 'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she had appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
'Bet you're sorry you neutered me.'

Light side, dark side, light side, dark side, light side, dark side. So many choices, so little time.

Offline Kweh-chan

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #512 on: November 04, 2012, 02:27:36 PM »
(I apologise in advance if any of these have been done already)

A blonde walks onto a plane bound for New York with an economy class ticket. While waiting, she sees the business class seats, and how much bigger and better they are, so instead, she goes and sits in one. Eventually a flight attendant comes up to her and says "Miss, I'm sorry,  but you cannot sit here with an economy class ticket"

The blonde was indignant. "I'm young, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to sit in this business class seat all the way to New York," she says.

Stumped, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and explains the situation to the captain. "Let me handle this," the co-pilot says. "My girlfriend is blonde, I know just what to do"

He goes over to blonde, speaks with her for a moment, and she immediately gets up, hugs him, and says "I understand now, thank you so much. I'll go right back to my seat." And with that, she returns to economy class.

The pilot and flight attendant were shocked. "How did you do that?" they said.

The co-pilot responded "I just told her that part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

******

A blonde woman is pulled over for speeding one day. The cop, also blonde, gets out of her car and asks for the woman's license and registration. The woman looks in her purse for a few minutes, and slowly becomes more and more panicked.  "What does it look like?" She asked the cop, flustered.

"It's a small square with your picture on it" the cop responds.

After digging for a few more minutes, the blonde pulls out a square-shaped compact, opens its, and says "Here it is!" as she hands it over to the cop. The cop looks in the open compact, and hands it back to the woman.

"I apologise, ma'am. I didn't realise you were a cop too."

******

What do you call a dead fly?

A flew.
Ahh, Lott Dod you perfect example of male Neimoidian masculinity...

Neimoidians are love!

Offline scalperhunter1

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #513 on: May 16, 2015, 07:13:16 PM »
A man takes his wife and 3 kids on vacation. When they get to the hotel the dad goes in and checks them into a room.
As he gets ready to leave the dad turns and asks the clerk: I trust that the porn is disabled on the tv?
The clerk stares at him and replies: NO! It's regular porn you sick pervert!
Light side, dark side, light side, dark side, light side, dark side. So many choices, so little time.